apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
