he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
