if you like me you must not know who I am
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
