Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
