Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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