i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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