it was like eating out sand paper
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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