Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
