if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
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My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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