It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
