I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
