she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The uberlube is also flammable
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
