tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
