Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
