I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
