shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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