someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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