this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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