It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
