I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
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Don't EVER smell your tampon
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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