You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
