It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
