Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
