he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
