Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize