bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
