I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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