I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
