I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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