my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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