this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
