Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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