i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
