Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
