i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
