I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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