i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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