you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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