worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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