...so i touched it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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