I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
