I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
