If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
babies were throwing up all over the place
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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