Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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