so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
