And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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