Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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