I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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