Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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