he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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