Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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