I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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