yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
what the fuck happened to the tacos
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
