She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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