I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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