Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
