Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
