I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
