I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
