She said her name was "party"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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