Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
