She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
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I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
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i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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