He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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