So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
