i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
