he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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